Making your life harder

Like I do.

If we look around today, what kind of people are successful?
Extroverts who has at least a bit of narcissistic features (or sometimes quite narcissistic), who has good social skills, outgoing and are quite nice (or at least very good at faking it).

So what is the fate of an impatient, introverted woman, with zero empathy? Well… the fate is technically my life.

Oh, don’t worry, this is not a whiny post. After a certain time, you just have to accept who you are.

How many times I cried for my mother that I hate my personality and I would love to be different, nice and chipper. She always told me, that I can fake it, it is going to be hard and after a while, your own personality is going to show anyway. And she is right. I try. But I am not as good as her.
I love my mum, but she has a quite harsh personality and even though she tried, I got hurt emotionally as a child a lot. Maybe that formed me to the way I am today as well.

But I can’t deny, that she probably has no doing in the fact that I have a very low empathy and I am not capable of reading nonverbal communication signs. (Yes, that makes flirting literally impossible. So now we all know my relationship status, let’s move on, nothing to see here, people.)

In exchange, my DNA gave me a good brain. I am a Mensan (for those who doesn’t know, this is a worldwide organization allowing people to be a member if their IQ puts them to the top 2% of the population). Yes, that gives some people the option to be an ass about it.
Nothing to hide about it, yes, there are certain people who thinks having a high IQ makes you superior.

Well, it doesn’t.

Many serial killer have high IQ. Do you feel special and superior now?

Anyhow, for me doing the test was sort of a …. well, a middle finger to one of my teacher’s face who had an ultimate goal of proving people that they are stupid. Yes, her ultimate goal was to fail me and ruin my grades. She sort of succeeded because my BSc diploma is 89%. (I know it is good, but for my standard, that is like a bloody disaster.)

Anyway. Since everyone’s brain is wired differently, we all have different exceptional features. Just because I have a high IQ, I am not going to be a mathematician or solving all problems of the universe. My specialty is processing a huge pile of information in a short period. Most of these are quite useless in the everyday life.

So my life is mostly “how do you know that?” “why do you even have that information?” “omg, how can you have this much knowledge?” and so on…

But since I have knowledge and experience and expertise in many topics and do various things (see the About section), that still doesn’t help me to figure out what I want to do with my life and make my life successful by society standards.

I am still unemployed.

I still don’t have too many friends.

I am still alone.

And when people are saying those questions above it just makes you feel like the result of any experiment and mostly, really alone.


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