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What if everything goes wrong?

Well, that is basically my life. Sort of. I lost my job, I have health issues and overall just have the feeling that nothing is going into the right direction. Nothing goes in a way I want it to.

And I am typing this post with one eye only with a nasty eye infection. Feels like a pirate tho.

One thing, what I have realized in the last couple of weeks since I am on my notice period and working much less than used to be, that… Yes, I have absolutely no idea how I will pay rent and groceries from next month, but! … I don’t live the life I wanted to. And that was what gave me the wake up shock. Like, yes, I am in a full-blown job search, but I realized, I have never wanted a life like that. Running all the time, circling my life around work-work-work! Always running, always stressing…

I always imagined my adult life to be chill and relaxed. Making some money (becoming rich is not among my objectives, maybe that is a problem), enjoying life, adoring the world’s beauty. I am the person who can be happy over little things. A lovely flower, a nice weather, anything really.

And there I became a person who I have never wanted to. A person living for work, not the other way around. And that is wrong, seriously, deeply wrong. Maybe there are people enjoying life like that but I am not one of them.

If we look around, it is always the money, causing problems. We either have to little or too much and it is never secondary. For example now. From next Monday, I will be unemployed and my main thought are circling around how will I pay the rent and the tax and food. To be honest, I have never actually thought that I will have a problem like that in my future life.

Yeah, the life of the spoiled. Sort of. I always had everything I ever wanted (not relationship wise, I am seriously suck at human relationships), but anything else. I worked bloody hard for it, but I had it. This is the first time in my life when hard work does not pay off. On the contrary, working my ass out made me unemployed. Simply because the whole management changed over a year and the new board does not like me.

So there we go, when everything goes wrong. The yeast does not work, the eggs break, I don’t get any job offer and time just flies…

But it was on Sunday, when I had enough. Not even the little things worked out and that was the point when I decided, if the universe wanna play that game, then I will roll my sleeves up and joining in, because I will not going to give it up!

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