art · Job hunt · Personal life

Finding myself

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Lately I have been doing the what am I want from my life game.
I always envied those, who could find their passion at an early age and devote to it and done. I could never do that. In high school, I was taking up different extra courses basically every two weeks. I found impossible to choose at age 16 what I want to spend the rest of my life with.

And I ended up at university specializing in that one subject I always slept through during high school – chemistry.

And here we are at age 29, with working in retail, cause I am an absolute what am I want to do with my life. Probably that is not helpful in the job hunt. Once someone told me, that having too many interests is helpful.

Definitely not. It is the state where you want to do everything, you divide yourself, you know a little of everything, but specially good at nothing.

So what am I doing lately, is basically devoting a blog or a page to each of my interest and trying to figure out which one is the one I don’t get bored of or after a while I spend more time with it than the others.

I have literally no other ideas how to work out this problem, so I will try this one.

So, if you would like to follow the process:
My art: DeviantArt / Patreon (where you can financially support me a little :))/ Facebook

My blog about science, mostly Botany >> click here <<

My blog about bits of history, fashion >> click here <<

Let’s see, which will last. Or maybe I find a combination of all

Job hunt

Update

I was actually thinking to put a counter on the blog. One personal and one professional, just to update how many times I get rejected before I die.

Anyhow.

I’ve got like a job search adviser, who changed my CV to put my skills and achievements first to highlight it.

That has lead me to the fastest application rejection ever. Hold on, let me check how long it took them to reject me….

*a minute later*

I have sent the application at 16:17 and I got the rejection at 10:17 the next day (!). That gives us exactly 16 hours to reject my application. And I perfectly matched the criteria.

The other one I got rejected was a job where they did NOT require previous experience, only the skillset, because they provide training.

The reasons was: “we are looking for a more experienced person.”

Well….

Job hunt · Personal life

Why am I not working in my field?

Which is life science, more specifically, plant genetics, cell culture, etc.

The reason why, because the only thing I ever experienced from the science community was utter and absolute rejection.

And I am bloody serious. 4 years passed now since my graduation and I have never had a single job interview. Sometimes I get the “your application has been unsuccessful”, but mostly nothing. Time just passes.

I try to keep up my knowledge by reading, writing and taking extra courses online. But lately I had less and less passion for it. Like, what is the point? No one ever gave me an opportunity to prove myself.

Sometimes I feel like, I just give up.

But then what’s left. I only have qualifications in science. I was prepared for years to be a researcher. Which did not happen.

And now I have nothing just the knowledge in my head.

Job hunt · Personal life · Uncategorized

Our society

Well, we had a conversation in my house and at work… and with friends… lining up all the things what pretty much sucks now…. I mean, hard work always existed and the hunger for money, but these days are pretty much nothing else, just money.

You can never satisfy anyone.

And let’s face it, Brits have waaaay to much time and they can allow themselves way to many things. Like arguing with an employe in a stationary store for losing like 50p from a voucher…. 50P !!!!!!!! IN A STATIONARY STORE. You honestly don’t have anything more important to do?

And I can guarantee you, the answer will be no.

And 90% of the time, if you have a problematic customer, they will be middle-aged white English woman. No, I am not being racist, I have years of experience on the topics. Always these woman (and woman in general) who wants to express their frustration and release their anger on a person who is like…. just working there to make their living.

Whatever, sort of got used to them. But seriously thinking about moving out of the UK, especially London. It stinks. Not literally.

Basically you are constantly threatened by “company policy” and your bosses that you are going to loose your job. You are enduring harassment, life threatening situations (I am not even joking about that), bullying by the management, discrimination. And what can you do? NOTHING.

And you probably tell the person who says these “mate, just quit and go somewhere else”. Let me tell you something, all companies are like that. From the head to down, everyone gets the pressure from above, to be scared and live in fear all the time and loose your job and you are gonna be homeless and DIE and family will DIE too.

Yes, because unlike the lucky ones, some of us can’t just live off not working. Like, we don’t have secret stash of money hidden on 6 other bank account. We actually work to pay the bills.

And before you start the “you should have studied” kinda bullshit, I have 3 university qualifications, 2 of them in science and I graduated with merit from all of them. And I am still here, working in retail, ’cause my family doesn’t have contacts and money.

Which is basically the only important thing these days, nothing else matters. Everyone is running after money and killing themselves with stress. Welcome to 2017, human society.

Job hunt · Personal life · Uncategorized

Job seeking and stuff

Well, I am finally announced depression free! I am so happy about it, it was really not me. A friend of mine told me that I am the most positive, cheerful person she knows and if I am battling with depression, there is something seriously wrong with the world.

Well, depressive episode over (I am pretty sure there will be more, but then I will deal with them when they come). So at least, that is out of the question.

Too bad I cannot do the same with my Asperger or Prosopagnosia. Or with my JHS if we are lining up hereditary or born-with problems.

My mum asked an interesting question yesterday, that does the knowledge that I do have these illnesses makes me feel bad or down or sad? (She doesn’t have any of my problems, for JHS, she is probably a carrier, same as for my father, as none of them have it, but it occurs in the family on both sides. So I won the 50-50% lottery from both sides.)

And back to the question if it makes me sad or affects me in a way that makes me sad. And the answer is ‘no’. I mean, yes, I do wish sometimes to be like everybody else. But since all of my problems I had it since I can remember, naming it does not change anything. Knowing my JHS does not make it less painful. Knowing my Prosopagnosia does not make it easier to recognize faces. Life is the same. The only difference is that I can answer to questions like “oh, do you have any problem?” “oh, what is wrong with you?” “what causing your problem?”. Many people finds it utterly funny that I don’t really recognize faces much. My mum was not one of them when I did not recognize family members…

But that does not make me sad. It is part of my life, I kinda got used to it. Adjusted my life around them. It is not perfect, but it’s working better than before.

And then job seeking, wow, hardcore, I am playing level 10000. Because if I want to have an interview, then I don’t put any of these in my CV or application. I still barely get invited to an interview anyway, let’s not ruin my little chances.

But on the interview:
“Can you carry heavy boxes?”
“Uhm…. no…..”

“What is your weakness?”
“Social skills…..?”

When now in 2017 there is basically not a single job where you don’t have to communicate with people. Even if it is not technically a customer-facing environment, they still expect you to be socially active…. Well, I don’t recognize faces and I have so low empathy levels, I don’t even recognize emotions…. so, yeah, be socially active…. 😦

Anyhow, just to cheer everyone up at the end. Here’s a pic of one of our cat sitting on my lap and studying climate physics with me.

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